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  3. The national debate about divorce has generally focused on the worst outcomes, with many assuming there is no need to worry abou

The national debate about divorce has generally focused on the worst outcomes, with many assuming there is no need to worry abou

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问题     The national debate about divorce has generally focused on the worst outcomes, with many assuming there is no need to worry about the children of divorce who appear to be fine. But I can think of few other significant childhood experiences that our society treats in the same way. 46) Many people survive wrenching childhood traumas—child abuse, war, an alcoholic or drug-addicted parent—and nevertheless manage to become productive members of society. Yet no one would suggest that because they have survived the ordeal and now look "fine" , their experience of child abuse, war, or addiction was apparently not that bad. On the contrary, our society sympathizes with these young people. It takes active steps to try to help them and to prevent other children, whenever possible, from growing up the same way.
    Further, when our society asks only if a child has been hurt, and nothing more, it sets a very low bar for its expectations about children’s lives. I’m a mother now. When I first held my daughter,did I hope only that she would grow up and not be damaged? Of course not. Like all parents, my husband and I want to protect our children from suffering, but we also want them to thrive, to enjoy rich, loving relationships and have happy, successful futures. Parents do not set a low bar for their children, and neither should our society. 47) Our society must do more than ask whether divorce causes clear and lasting damage to some children. It should also ask probing questions about how divorce shapes the lives of many children who experience it.
    Just as most debates about children of divorce focus on the gravest and most obvious outcomes, most discussions about life in divorced families focus on the hot-button issue of conflict. Learning more about die conflicts between divorced parents is undeniably important. 48) But an overriding emphasis on the issue of conflict has led to a troubling idea that has quickly gained credibility in our culture. In recent years, some experts have speculated that if couples divorce amicably and if both parents continue to share in raising the child, then perhaps the negative effects of divorce can be avoided. Experts urge parents, for the sake of their children, to aim for what some call a "good divorce".
    The idea of the "good divorce" is attractive to many. 49) Some divorced parents are reassured because it suggests steps they can take to try to protect their children if they must end a very bad marriage. Other parents like the idea of a "good divorce" because it suggests they can end a marriage that may be okay but not completely satisfying and still do right by their children. 50) Family court judges welcome it because they want to make arrangements that, whenever possible, keep both parents in die child’s life, and they want to minimize conflict between those parents. Some therapists like the idea because they want to help these families and a "good divorce" gives them a role in teaching parents how to divorce.
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